Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sherlock Mommy: I'm Still Clueless

First of all, I have to say, I love you people. The comments you have left on my recent posts (not just about baby sleep issues, but also about strapless dresses and Bin Laden) have been nothing but charitable and positive. THANK YOU!

Anywho, my recent trials of getting Joe to sleep in his crib are not going well. I told myself long ago that I would never ever in a million years let Joe cry it out. Well lately I've been thinking that perhaps I should relax my stance on that because nothing else is really working. Then I got many comments from mothers who told me that in their experience they've let their babies cry it out. I got these comments from family members and strangers. I got these comments from some of the holiest women I know who I know for a fact take their vocation of motherhood super seriously.

I thought I'd try it out- but it my own way. I told myself that I would not leave Joe alone in his room. I didn't want him to feel totally abandoned. It truly breaks my heart when I see him screaming his head off, but knowing he's screaming his head off, possibly afraid and alone- nope, can't do that. I would only go 5 minutes of letting him cry.

Monday night was the first night. I decided to do a strict bedtime schedule. Starting at 7:00 he gets a bath, followed by a lotion massage, put into his PJ's, nurse and read him a story. I put him in his crib drowsy and turn on his sound machine. Of course as soon as I layed him on the mattress he jumped up and started standing up. He kept crawling around and standing himself up- he was pretty content. I got on my computer and tried hard to ignore his total cuteness. About 20 minutes later he started to cry. OK, I thought, here goes nothing.

From 8:00 to 8:50 he would cry for 5 minutes, I would pick him up and rock and love on him for about 5 minutes, lay him back in the crib where he would stand back up and play before he would cry again. Finally at around 9:00 he settled down to sleep in his crib. I went to bed and Ryan went to sleep in the other room.

Around 11:35 he woke up again. I nursed him and laid him back down with no problems. Not too bad.

Wrong. Between 1:30-4:30 it was pure hell. He would wake up, cry for 5 minutes, I would pick him up and rock him, lay him down and pat his back and stroke his face and he'd drift off to sleep. I'd crawl into my bed (his crib is in our bedroom). 20 minutes later he would cry bloody murder and we'd repeat the process. It was about 4:00 a.m. when I was really really really tempted to bring him into bed with me, but everyone says that you have to be consistent through this process. Around 6:00 Ryan came into the bedroom and Joe started crying. I told him to bring him to me because it was about time to nurse him and we slept together until 7:30 or so.

I was mom zombie the yesterday. I cried a lot. It was not good.

Last night we started the process again. I asked for reassurance from my friends and family. Both Ryan and I were at our wits end. Ryan said, "Let's forget it. He can sleep with you." But like I mentioned in my post- it's not just about wanting to sleep with my husband. I can't leave Joe in the bed without me there for safety reasons.

I don't remember what time it was when he finally went to sleep. I do remember at 11:35 bringing him into bed to nurse him and I was going to take him back to his crib. Next thing I remember it was 1:45 and Joe was asleep next to me. I thought, "OK, in a minute I'm going to get up and put him in his crib." Next thing I knew it was 2:30 and we were still in bed. I though, "Eh, screw it." and went back to sleep. So much for that persistence thing.

But I did discover something- Joe will wake up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder no matter if he's laying next to me or if he's in his crib. He's always done it, but when he's laying next to me it's easier and quicker to quiet him down. So now the new problem is trying to figure out how to keep him asleep.

A new mystery to be solved. Yay.

Is his nose stuffy? Sometimes it sounds like it but when I do the nose spray and nose sucker outer thing not a lot comes out.

Is he teething? I think that he has some teeth getting ready to pop through. We give him some Baby Tylenol before bedtime but that doesn't work.

Has his reflux come back? When he was about a month old he was diagnosed with reflux and the doc prescribed some Zantac. I used it for about 2 months and stopped (simply because I would always forget) even thought the doctor said to use it for 6 months. Well when he turned 4 months the spitting up stopped. No more going through 10 burp cloths a day! But strangely when he turned 7 months, the spitting up returned. It's not as frequent, but still more than it has been the last couple of months. I could give him the Zantac again, but I just don't feel 100% comfortable doing that, so I got some Little Tummies Gripe Water to see if that will help.

I check his temp regularly and he doesn't have a fever, so that one is out.

Is he hungry? I doubt it. I still frequently nurse throughout the day, especially right before he goes to bed.

I just don't know what it is. I can get him to sleep in his crib after a few crying spells, but what is causing him to wake up so often in the night?

I have read The No-Cry Sleep Solution, but the first part is all about logs and charts and I just don't have time for that. I have Dr. Sears' book on baby sleep and I haven't had time to read that. I guess instead of venting to you, my blogging friends, I should get off the computer and read up!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

OH Maggie, praying for you honey as you try to figure stuff out. Remember that everyone wakes during the night...we don't remember it because we've learned to go right back to sleep. Babies have to learn this. Do you have a pacifier for Joe? (Just wondering...I know some nursing moms are completely against pacifiers, so I hope I don't offend you in asking.) A lot of times they just want to suck to soothe themselves back to sleep. That's why if co-sleeping is a good arrangement for a family, the babies sleep well with momma...they latch on and get themselves back to sleep (this is what happened with Helen and me).

It's just been my experience that self-soothing is learned experience and maybe Joe just isn't quite ready to self-soothe? I mean...you're the center of his universe and all. :)

I hope you figure out what works for you and I wish I had answers...but alas, it's been a little different with each of mine (and oh yay! I get to start all over again in a couple months ;) )

Melissa said...

It's so hard, I hope all the sleep dillemma's get easier. I agree with Michelle, it seems like each baby is different and finds their own time to be on their own. My third went through a phase from about 7 months old - 11 months old where she was paranoid about being away from me, so she often had a hard time getting back to sleep on her own after waking up in the middle of the night. So we usually started out with her in the crib, and then when she woke up I would just take her into our bed for the rest of the night. She eventually grew out of it, by her first birthday.

Mom of 12 said...

I have slept with all twelve of my babies and taken a lot of grief for it, but it is just so much easier to be right there when they want to nurse or need something. Maybe it takes a little longer to get them into beds of their own, but eventually it works out. Like you, I just can't stand to let them scream it out. It's not like they are asking for something bad...they just want to cuddle and know that they are loved. Believe me, you will long for the days when they were content to just stay in your arms and be held. Don't rush through it. It goes way too fast anyway.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

That Married Couple said...

Oh wow, now I'm definitely subscribing to comments to see what other people say! Miriam has been waking up a ton at night for like 3+ weeks now. I haven't been impressed with any of the sleep books I've read so far. Finally this week I stumbled across this http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/12/quick_and_dirty.html, which said most babies have a month-long phase like this at 4 months - phew! She also said there's one about 8-9 months,which is Joe's age, right? Here's more: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html

(Sorry I don't know how to embed web addresses!) Good luck, Maggie! You're a great mom! And whatever you do or don't do, Joe will someday sleep alone all night long!

Colleen said...

I think you might be confusing him when you bring him into your bed to nurse. If you want hom out of your bed, then I would nurse him sitting in a chair near his crib. He either goes in his crib or gets nursed - but no bed. Also, try laying/sitting right next to him when you put him in his crib and he is crying. I think he needs to know you are near but also know he's gotta stay put in the crib. I wouldn't even take him out unless it's to nurse him. Just rub his back/sing/talk to him while he stays in the crib. Like I said before - this is a phase, and you will overcome it! good luck!

Patty said...

Okay...reading what everyone else has written...

My first thought is that Joe's inner clock has already been set by the months of routine wake up, nurse, cry, picked up...etc.

One night will not make it happen. I doubt if you would make it work in three nights. But it will work.


I had a flashback to our eldest and I remember it took at least three nights. Not until I let her cry it out from a total lack of sleep did she "work it out on her own" that last time which was the winner.

Our daughter did not grow up with issues because of our choice. Seriously, using common sense, to seriously think that we will "ruin" our children somehow by allowing them to cry...come on. That just short changes us as parents.

If that is the only factor that builds trust in our relationship then we might as well not hug, kiss, play with, swing, rock, feed, bathe, change, etc....

Joe wants and needs to nurse. Got it. But Joe has also been trained to wake up and be responded too.

Colleen had great advice. Do not bring him into bed. Mothering is tough with a capital T and you are doing great. But you may try stopping the cycle by nursing him in the chair...even if the chair is out of the room. Could a chair be brought into your bedroom?

What you choose to do is ultimately up to you. But I think there is more to all of this than Joe wanting you. I apologize if that sounds brutal. Please forgive me if it comes across that way, for I do not mean it to.

At any rate, one piece of advice that all parents should heed is to always! carry! through! (did I stress that enough LOL) because it sets the standard for a lifetime of parenting. And guess what? Parenting is tough! Tough love is tough! But it is the best kind of love. This is only the beginning and all things that mean a lot to you are worth fighting for.

But you know all of that because you are a good mom! And Joe is a lucky little fella!

Dacia said...

Maggie, you are doing a great job! All this stuff certainly isn't easy. Trust your mommy instincts. It is nice to get advice, but remember that you know Joe, and what is right for your family best. We cosleep and feel it is the best option for us and our precious little boy. It isn't always easy but I wouldn't change it, he is just growing too fast! Prayers for you in whatever method you choose.

That Married Couple said...

Me again :) I just got The No-Cry Sleep Solution and actually think it sounds very promising. You only have to do a full 24 hours of charting, and if you did it on the weekend you could have your husband do at least the daytime charting. (Although I know Miriam's schedule seems different on the weekends when Daddy's home to play than the weekdays when it's just Mommy!)

Anyway, all that to say, I'm thinking about trying it, so if you wanted some accountability, I'd be totally up for daily emails or whatever for those 10-20 days!

And if you have no desire whatsoever to do it, that's cool, too :)

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